Game Shit. Shadow Of the Motherfucking Colossus. (Abridged)

Good afternoon... Clarisse.

Or general public. Y'know.

I'm here to talk about a game, because I do that occasionally. The game is entitled SHADOW OF THE COLOSSUS. I put the name in capital letters because there is so much manliness in the game it can't be expressed by written word.

THE SCENARIO:

Alright, so first off, write a book. Then take out anything that could be a reference to plotline in that book. But keep all of the actual events. This is what they give you in SHADOW OF THE MOTHERFUCKING COLOSSUS. Anyone playing the game will usually feel a sort of disconnect as to what is going on. You get a vague idea, but if you need things to be typed out for you, this is NOT YOUR KIND OF GAME. Essentially, you start as a character (Who you don't find out until the credits is named Wander) who is roughly five foot nine and wields a sword, a bow, and a horse.

You don't use items in the game.

Wander's job, in order to save name-unspecific female (Also referred to in the end credits as... Memo?) from indeterminate fate is to FIGHT FUCKING GIANTS.

The first boss is bigger than the house that you're in right now.

Let me be the first to say I love this game. The plot is -kind of- unraveled as you go on, but in the end, you still have to go to Google to determine exactly what happened. (Remember Cloverfield?) That being said, there are tons of theories up on various websites, including one that I can't remember exposing a meta-theory/faq on the game.

GAMEPLAY:

Before you buy this game, get a roll of duct tape and apply to your R1 button. This is the "OH MY F*CKING GOD I'M GOING TO FALL AND DIE SO I HAVE TO SAVE MYSELF" button. The game runs on a health and endurance system which you sort of have to get used to because the LED might as well be in the same sort of half-german language that Wander and his zombie girlfriend use. The control system makes this game. It, too, takes a bit of getting used to, but once you find it, it's awesome. My only real regret about this game is that it is like twelve hours long, but the secrets that you have no way of finding out in the game (Go look on Youtube, people are still finding shit) extend it. For example, they never tell you that you can shoot lizards and eat their tails to gain stamina.

VISUAL/CINEMATICS:

By far, the best thing about this game is the immersion factor. All of the hard-to-get storyline, dialogue, and vagaries about what to do in the game just make it more ridiculously epic than it could have been. The graphics and such are absolutely stunning, and the diabolically large bosses with equally threatening attacks make Kingdom Hearts bosses seem like a bunch of Disney... Wait...

Anyways, it's absolutely beautiful, absolutely crazy, and the easter eggs you can find by looking in the game are phenomenal.

Summary:

Great Game.

Hold R1.

Climb Mountains that are fighting you and stab them with your flimsy-ass sword.

Get the piss scared out of you.

Find secrets.

Save girlfriend with GODHAND.

This review is very short, because I had almost no time to do it. I will likely expand. Unless I'm lazy.

Wait, I'm always lazy.